A Possible Dark Side of Listening? Teachers Listening to Pupils Can Increase Burnout

High-quality listening is a multifaceted social behaviour, and theories and research concerning it are mixed in terms of listening definitions and recommendations. The current study canvassed lay practitioners’ understanding of optimal listening qualities and training, drawing on a wide range of listening training materials (N = 207) sourced from the World-Wide-Web. Thematic analysis results were critically examined to systematically position praxis against our current understanding of listening theories. Findings are presented as a “dialectical listening theory” which posits that at its core, listeners’ behaviours often exist in direct tension with their mindset or intuition. Furthermore, we posit that this tension is amplified when individuals are faced with conversations that conflict with their perspectives or values. Finally, we argue that listeners may need to oscillate between dual-process states of unconscious (intuitive) and conscious (intentional) listening. We conclude that high-quality listening involves direct recognition and strategic management of tensions throughout the listening process.

Listening is widely recognized as essential to human interaction, yet research on it remains conceptually fragmented and theoretically inconsistent. Although extensive evidence shows that good listening benefits emotional, cognitive, motivational, and relational outcomes, the field lacks consensus about what listening is, how it should be defined, and under what conditions it helps or hinders interaction. This article synthesizes these tensions by identifying 10 core “listening puzzles” that reveal contradictions in existing theories and findings: (1) what constitutes good listening and its dimensions such as empathy and non‐judgment; (2) the paradox of distraction and invisible inattention; (3) the relationship between listening and agreement; (4) when listening requires follow‐up action; (5) the benefits and risks of silence; (6) asymmetries between speakers' and listeners' perceptions; (7) the dual role of question‐asking; (8) the role of paraphrasing in demonstrating active engagement and non‐judgmentalness; (9) the balance between speaking and listening; and (10) the link between listening and personality. Together, these puzzles demonstrate that listening is neither a fixed skill nor a uniformly positive behavior, but a context‐dependent, relational process shaped by perception, goals, and situational norms. By mapping these puzzles, the article provides a foundation for a more integrated and nuanced understanding of how listening operates across interpersonal and social contexts.